Strap-On Tips, Toys, & Accessories You Should Consider

  1. Don’t know where to start? Consider the Sport Kit Strap-On Harness Set by Tantus. This harness will fit hips up to 60″, is comfortable, and machine washable. It comes with a simple, curved, silicone toy that will great for G spots and prostates alike. It even has a little pocket and vibe so you can add vibration to your play.
  2. Two-strap harnesses are my favorite. I love the way they look and feel. This Midnight Lace Strap-On Harness by Sportsheets is sultry and femme. Sportsheets also designs 2-straps for plus size, like this Beginners Black Strap-On Harness. It doesn’t just have longer straps, its designed with care to flatter and fit. If you are looking for something more masculine in a two-strap, the Spareparts Joque Harness is handsome as fuck.
  3. Love leather? This Jaguar Leather Strap-On is a beautiful single strap. (Like a thong.) That single strap will hold your toy tight against your pelvis and give you lots of control. The more you wear this harness, the more it will soften and begin to fit you with perfection. (You’ve heard the saying “fits like a glove?” With a little time and wear, this harness fits better than a glove!) Leather harnesses are intended for a single user as they are more difficult to clean. Wipe with soapy, damp cloth. Then use a softener/restorer/protector like Beesbutter All Natural Leather Conditioner.
  4. Comfort is your thing? Mine too. You can have both comfort and style with the Sasha Lingerie Harness. I swear when I first got this harness in the mail I gasp! I’m not kidding. It’s so beautiful and so comfortable. Sizes from XS to 3X and loaded with details like the ruched butt cheeks, the sides that pull tight with little ribbons, optional garter straps, and a high waist. With or without a cock, I want to wear it every day! If you are a more masculine type, check out the RodeoH Hot Shorts, they are more like a men’s brief.
  5. Like to watch? A Strap-On Thigh Harness is an idea way to watch your lover work it. This simple harness wraps around your thigh and is secured in place with thick Velcro straps. Also ideal for anyone with limited mobility, or those healing from hip or back injuries. Machine washable. So simple and fun!
  6. Find the right toy. It’s not always as easy as it sounds. You need a toy with a round, flared base so it will fit securly your harness O-ring. (Like this Luxe Purity 2, pictured here.) If you have a tummy, you may want a longer toy so it reaches past your belly. You also need a toy that will fit your partner’s pleasure anatomy and desires. Talk with your partner about what kind of toy excites them. Ask them about length, width, shapes, curves, and colors. Here’s a post where I talk about a perfect strap-on dildo.
  7. Need more stability? One of the most difficult parts of wearing a strap-on is that you can’t feel your partner’s subtle responses as well as one can with fingers or a penis. When your toy fits, you have more control, stability, and sensation during play. You may need a pack of variable sized O-rings, or Spareparts has made a simple Large O-Ring Stabilizer and Small O-Ring Stabilizer.
  8. Learn my secrets! Watch this short video I made for retailers who sell harnesses:

Note: This post has links to I do earn affiliate dollars when you shop through these links. Thank you for supporting this site.

How I Learned to Love Ball Gags

Ducky wearing a ball gag.

A ball gag changed my entire relationship with sex.

It may sound outlandish, but it’s true. I had plenty of kink inspired thoughts and play, but a gag? It had never even entered my sexual imagination. Until one day he sent me a text that simply read, “Buy a ball gag.” He gave me no other instructions.

Example of a ring gag, made of leather, with a metal ring that is also wrapped in leather.

I went online to look at what was available. I stopped in to a local store to see them first hand. Ball gags, bit gags, ring gags… they had never really been on my radar and I was not sure where to start!

I remembered a conversation with a friend, she told me she bought a cheap gag in a sex shop and the ball was made of some kind of plastic that smelled horrible and tasted worse. When she wore it in her mouth the low quality chemicals that the ball was made of actually made her lips tingle. It sounded horrible. This is why I did my research to find something that, if I had to wear it, would at least be made of quality materials.

Through my research I learned gags come in various sizes. Some have large balls or rings that are made to stretch and cause tension. Others are smaller, the smallest being the bit gags which would be best for someone who has tension or pain in their jaw.

Finally, I picked leather over rubber straps as I am attracted to the scent and knew I would wear this on my face. I went for this simple black leather strapped gag with a average to small, silicone ball.

A silicone ball was the best choice for me because I know it is an inert material, body safe, and has no taste or smell. I also choose a ball that was a little softer so it would be easy on my teeth, as a opposed to the harder grades of silicone.

I emailed him when I had the gag in my possession. He instructed me to carry it, still sealed in the package, in my purse. And I did. For weeks.

My new gag went with me everywhere. If we met for drinks he would ask me if I had it with me, but did not ask to see it or use it. He would periodically text me and ask if I had it with me, but still he did not ask to see or use it. Knowing he might pop up at any time and ask for it I always had it with me. It was driving me crazy!

If I decided to change my purse, the gag was moved into a new purse.  It traveled with me through the TSA, across the Canadian boarder. It was always with me, quietly haunting my thoughts and sending anticipatory thrills up my spine.

More time passed. Finally, when I could not take it anymore, I asked, “When will we use this gag?”

He had done it. He had embedded the object deeply into my imagination. Now I was asking for it. That’s what he was waiting for.

The first time he buckled it onto me, it felt like a gift. It was more comfortable than I imagined. I was enamored with the sound of the buckle. He spun me around and looked into my eyes and there was this electricity. Here I was deprived of my voice but other expressions took its place. Eye contact, body language, and uncontrollably, saliva began to pool in my mouth and drop from my lips in long strings. My lust, it was undeniable. (I LOVE undeniable sexual expressions!)

So how did my ball gag change my relationship with sex? From that day on I have learned to really keep my mind open to sexual ideas and objects.

Despite having live a very free and adventurous life, there are things in the world I have yet to discover. I feel like there must be a million other things that have not reached my sexual imagination but may light me up in new ways. I don’t need to have a fetish for the object itself, but I do stay open to the experience it may create with another.

Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit


Image of Ducky teaching.Conferences of any kind can be bombastic, with long days and loads of strangers. So honestly I wasn’t sure what to expect when I arrived to the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. I knew there would be speakers. I knew there would be audiences full of sex educators, bloggers, social workers, and social justice advocates. That was all I really knew!

What I did not expect was the warmth of this collection of people, from the organizers, to the presenters, to the participants. This summit was the most enjoyable sex education/sexuality conferences I have ever attended. Here are some of the highlights:

(1) There were incredibly thoughtful presentations that covered pleasure, family matters, and social issues. I gave my presentation on the Sexual Wellness of Foster Youth. There was not a massive crowd for my talk, but the people who did show up were full of heart and a willingness to learn, listen, and consider how they can better impact vulnerable youth in their communities. I am grateful to them.

(2) The hotel was very nice. The bed was comfy. The hotel manager was very supportive of the event. The view from my room on the 12th floor was amazing! I could see the local neighborhood, the Pentagon, and Arlington National Cemetery.My book, sitting on the Red Emma's book table.(3) Red Emma’s Bookstore was the book vendor. They brought my book, and a lot of other great titles! (Thank you!)

Sola products on a table.

(4) There were some very cool companies who choose to sponsor the summit, including one of the companies I work for– Sola! Great brands like Doxy, Njoy, and Tantus were also in attendance. Baltimore’s own Sugar (sex toy shop) was there to sell toys to the masses.

Sola sign outside the blogger lounge.

(5) Sola also sponsored the blogger lounge on Saturday. The blogger lounge is just a quiet space where writers could recharge, have conversations, eat snacks, and cool out. Sola brought fruit, donut holes, art supplies and super sexy, adult coloring books from! Graphic art ensued!

Signs inside the lounge encouraging people to make art!

Covers of Shevibe coloring books.

Hands of someone coloring.

In the end I found myself surrounded by intelligent minds, like minds, and lots of people who gave me fresh perspectives. I purchased a couple cool items from Funkit Toys. I was also invited to both a spanking party and a fisting party. My absolute shyness made it impossible for me to attend but I LOVE being invited!

My shyness around group displays of sexuality exists because I am a survivor if rough stuff,  these things never feel safe to me. But I appreciate that others love playing! And regardless, I still enjoyed hearing the laughs and slaps of the spanking party that just happened to be happening a few doors down from my hotel room!

Thank you again to the Sexual Freedom Summit organizers, to everyone who came to my presentation, and each of you who spent time with me. So much joy was had!

The 2018 dates have already been announced. If you are considering going next year, I highly recommend it.

Pleasure Wands: Compare Sola Sync, Magic Wand, & Lelo Smart Wand

There are many lessons to be learned in this video where I compare three popular pleasure wands… like how to keep your mind open, how to clean a sex toy, sex toy & sex positions, how pleasure wands relate your body size, shape and abilities, and how to charge your toys.

You’ll see my new crush, the Sola Sync. I compare it to the Magic Wand and the Lelo Smart Wand. The toy cleaner I mentioned is Cleene by Wicked Sensual Care. It’s gentle, effective, and best of all, makes me feel like my hard to clean toys are cleaner.

All of these products were given to me for free in exchange for an honest review.

Blush Hires Sex Educator Ducky DooLittle as Marketing Manager

photo fo Ducky in a white shirt, curles flowing down onto her shoulders and a light shade of lipstick

Blush announced today that Sex Educator Ducky DooLittle has joined the company to strengthen the brand’s marketing department.

Ducky comes with a wealth of experience. “I admire and respect Ducky’s professionalism and her wealth of knowledge in this industry” says Eric Lee, Blush CEO. “She has worked in every aspect of this industry; retail, distribution, manufacturing, and as a Sex Educator. I am thrilled to have her on our team.” Continue reading on

Review: Lapereau by Shibari

I write about what I love, that’s just who I am. Happily I found I love this dual-action vibe! It’s just a simple vibe, with elegant lines, and one very awesome feature, but lets start with the basics.


It’s encased in silky smooth, body-safe, non-toxic, hypoallergenic silicone. The finish is very matte but there is no drag or friction because of the smooth finish of the silicone. Another plus with the matte finish is that it does not pick up lint from your bedding or cat!

The shape proves to be perfect for my body. (That’s always relative, right?) I like the curves. I like how it puts pressure on the G spot but is tighter at the neck. The clitoral branch is shorter than some but also fit my body well. The controls were easy to reach and simple to use. It’s 8 inches long, 4 of those inches are insertable. At it’s widest point it’s 1.4 inches in diameter.

lap2Lapereau has two motors, one in the shaft and the other in the clitoral branch. The buttons are simple, unlike other high end pleasure products you don’t have to learn how to use this toy! There are two buttons. Hold the top button to turn it on. The bottom button controls the shaft, push repeatedly to move through functions. The top button controls the motor of the shorter, clitoral shaft. Hold the top button to turn off both motors at once.

Each motor has seven modes: steady, pulsating, or ramping of vibration. The motors are strong and perhaps a little buzzy. That buzziness was well over shadowed by how the two motors function together!

The motors function independently so I was able to use a different function on each motor which provided a very cool sensation that I can only describe as a “circle 8” type effect. Sensation would move around my clit and then sort of around my G spot in a way that I have never felt before. Ultimately I was slower to orgasm but getting there felt amazing. There was an edging effect and finally a deeper, longer orgasm.

I recommend using waterbased lube. I made the mistake of using silicone lube (Uberlube) with it. This can happen with me because I am something of an absent minded, mad scientist!

I always recommend using waterbased lube with toys because silicone lube can sometimes adhere to a silicone toy, destroying the finish. Happily the accidental Lapereau + Uberlube experiment had no ill effects on my toy. Which is a testament to the quality of both the silicone in the toy and this brand of lubricant.

lap3Lapereau is rechargeable and comes with a USB cord and an AC adapter. It has a self healing port that is easy to find, the plug just pops into the back. The buttons flash when charging and become fully lit when fully charged.

It’s waterproof and nonporous. You can easily wash it in the sink. It also comes with a magnetic closure box, suitable for storage.

shib-003356-img-6Where to find it? That’s the pickle. This one was shipped to me by Shibari, the manufacturer. I found it available online at, but only in pink. You are most likely to find it in a retail store rather than online. So if you don’t like pink, go visit your local retailer.

This product was sent to me free of charge, with the request that I give an honest review. I am not an affiliate of and make no money for this review. I just really like the toy and had to share.


Review: Wet Organics Lube

Wet Organics bottle sitting on my counter top with a bunch apples, oranges, and bananas.

I love Wet Organics so much that I took  on my honeymoon with me in September! It’s true.

Coming from me, that’s saying a lot. I am not a lube snob, I’m just a person who experiences unpleasant reaction with lubes that not not formulated with care. A bad lube reaction can be devastating to my sex life! If you are sensitive too, then you’ll find value in my reviews.

Why’d this one rank so high with me? It’s is fun, easy, and the kind of product I can trust without a second thought. It’s a perfect grab and go product for partner play and toy play. (Waterbased lubes are always best for toys, as silicone lube can destroy a silicone toy.) Honestly I don’t like to have to think too much when it comes to sex. I like spontaneity!

bottle of Wet OrganicsI know Wet Organics is formulated for sensitivity. I trust it based on my first hand experiences and because of the conversations I have had with the company.

Wet is a company that shows up to sex education events and industry expos. They have given me a lot of their time and really seem to enjoy the conversations we have together. As a sensitive user I feel like they hear me.

The people at Wet get into the microscopic details that really matter when you are dealing with a vulva and mucous membrane. This product has no glycerin, no parabens, and has been pH balanced.

It’s wet, like a silicone lube. Rub a little between your fingers and you will find it’s thicker than silicone but slippery. It does not coagulate or become sticky like most waterbased lubes. It holds it’s wetness and texture. This is because they are using organic ingredients that are designed to hold on to your wetness and that water in the base of the formula. (If you are a geek like me, you can get into the fine details of the ingredients. Super geeks can take note of the definition of osmolality too!)

Simply put, it feels great and goes long! It’s protects my skin and makes it possible for me to have longer, hotter bouts of play. That’s lube perfection.

You can purchase Wet Organics from Shevibe. They have it in a 1oz bottle3oz bottle, and 8.9oz bottle.

When you buy it from Shevibe I get paid a little bit as an affiliate. That means you are supporting this blog. (Thank you!) Wet sent me these samples for free and asked for nothing but an honest review. They’re good like that.